Do you remember a time when you felt hormonal and moody?
皆さんは ホルモンバランスが乱れて 気分屋になった時期を覚えていますか?
Your skin was breaking out, your body was growing in strange places and very fast, and at the same time, people were expecting you to be grown-up in this new way. Teenagers, right?
There are entire textbooks written about the developmental arc of adolescence, and we don't even have a word to describe the transition to motherhood. We need one.
I'm a psychiatrist who works with pregnant and postpartum women, a reproductive psychiatrist, and in the decade that I've been working in this field, I've noticed a pattern.
I thought my instincts would naturally tell me what to do. I thought I'd always want to put the baby first."
「本能的に 何をしたらいいか 自然にわかり、常に赤ちゃんを第一に 考えるだろうと思っていました」
01:49
This -- this is an unrealistic expectation of what the transition to motherhood feels like.
これは 母への移行が、どのようなものかについての非現実的な期待です。
And it wasn't just her. I was getting calls with questions like this from hundreds of women, all concerned that something was wrong, because they couldn't measure up.
So I turned to anthropology. And it took me two years, but in an out-of-print essay written in 1973 by Dana Raphael, I finally found a helpful way to frame this conversation: matrescence.
And like adolescence, matrescence is not a disease, but since it's not in the medical vocabulary, since doctors aren't educating people about it, it's being confused with a more serious condition called postpartum depression.
But at the same time, her mind is pushing away, because she remembers there are all these other parts to her identity -- other relationships, her work, hobbies, a spiritual and intellectual life, not to mention physical needs: to sleep, to eat, to exercise, to have sex, to go to the bathroom, alone-
This is the tension the women calling me were feeling.
これが私に電話をかけてきた女性達の葛藤です。
It's why they thought they were sick.
これが彼女達が 病気を疑った理由です。
If women understood the natural progression of matrescence, if they knew that most people found it hard to live inside this push and pull, if they knew that under these circumstances, ambivalence was normal and nothing to be ashamed of, they would feel less alone, they would feel less stigmatized, and I think it would even reduce rates of postpartum depression. I'd love to study that one day.
I'm a believer in talk therapy, so if we're going to change the way our culture understands this transition to motherhood, women need to be talking to each other, not just me.
So mothers, talk about your matrescence with other mothers, with your friends, and, if you have one, with your partner, so that they can understand their own transition and better support you.
When a baby is born, so is a mother, each unsteady in their own way. Matrescence is profound, but it's also hard, and that's what makes it human. Thank you.